Hi galz! Anyone else have every intention of eating til they're sick to their stomach tomorrow?! Oh yeah!

I have a spice cake in the oven now which is the base for my Pumpkin Trifle; besides that, Chocolate Cream Pie, Pumpkin Pie, Apple Pie, and Bread Pudding (for a little authenticity). Come on, everyone knows that dessert is the best part of the meal!!

And, I just realized that I may not have told you all about my good friend ConE (pronounced kon EE) whose uterus fell out. Did I tell you that story? No? Ok, once this holiday is over (and you've all eaten), I'll share that with you. I bet you can't wait!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!! Stay safe.

Has anyone ELSE parked their minivan in the grocery store parking lot, spent an hour (and copious amounts of money) in the grocery store, all the while leaving the car keys in the ignition??!!

So. Went for my annual OBGYN appointment last week, as I so joyously reported, and today I got to wondering about something. What are the dynamics between you and your OBGYN? I mean, do you chat about mundane stuff? Or is it strictly a doctor/patient, medical stuff only relationship?

I whine about My guy and I chat first about my hot flashes, mood swings, night sweats, diminishing eyesight, jowls, age spots, and facial hair. Then he asks me if I want to go on any kind of hormone replacement therapy yet, or continue to stick it out. (Just for the record, I'm choosing to "stick it out", no medications.) Then I retreat into the little room, strip naked and pray to God that the md won't come in before I'm done stripping. (Side note...why is that? Why do I worry about being naked in front of the doctor when he's seen more of me than I care to admit?)

While he's doing the breast exam and using the car jack to do "everything else", we discuss my trip to Vermont (he vacations there), my sister (she goes to him, too), and my cousin (the musician), who my doctor absolutely loves. Then, this time, we discussed his wife's menopause!! Craaaazy!

How about you...what goes on before, during and after your favorite exam of the year?

Menopausal Moment #421.  Went to a wedding last night (a really fun one!) with two of my daughters.  After my son, the most handsome usher there, walked me down the aisle, I sat down and reached for the program.  Oops, forgot to put my glasses on. 

Crap!  Where are my glasses? 

I just had them in my hand!  I must have dropped them!

Quick! Someone go check the front of the church for my glasses before the bride comes in!

Shit.  She’s going to step on my glasses and slip!

WHERE ARE MY DAMN GLASSES???!!!!

All the while I’m going crazy about the damn glasses, I’m fidgeting around, standing up to look back down the aisle from where I had just come, beginning to panic.  That’s when daughter number two says, in a most sarcastic tone…

“You mean these glasses?”

They were around my neck the whole ^%$)($&@! time.

I quieted down. And mentally cursed my need for reading glasses.  Repeatedly.

O.

M.

G.

I have been walking around this house for the past four hours with my shirt on inside out.

Ok, let’s review.

Silver hair (slightly thinning in areas, but I’m ignoring that.)    CHECK.

Eyebrows that are beginning to grow in strange formations.   CHECK.

Droopy eyelids…no longer able to wear eye shadow as eyelids have all but disappeared.   CHECK.

The need, the requirement if you will, for countless pairs of magnifier reading glasses (a pair to match every outfit, of course).  CHECK.

Under-eye circles are darker than ever, making me look sinister.  CHECK.

Facial hair leaving me resembling a wombat.   CHECK.

Irrigation ditches running from my lips towards God knows where, so any lipstick that I apply forms a road map.  CHECK.

Hairs growing out of two moles making me look terrifying, even to myself. I’m even embarrassed to write it.  CHECK.

Flabby upper arms that wave back at me whenever I wave to anyone.  CHECK.

Age spots covering my hands and arms.  CHECK.

Bulges in places where, once upon a time, there were no places.   CHECK.

The inability to wear any type of underwear other than Big Mama Undies without them getting stuck in, well, you know where.   CHECK.

Varicose veins so big that you’d need four-wheel drive to get over them.  CHECK.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, introducing…FACIAL ACNE!!!!

WILL. IT. NEVER. END?

But the best part of this week is that Thursday, I get to visit my OBGYN for my annual exam.  And I quote…”just scoot down, put your feet in the stirrups, and relax”.  

 

Oh crap! I am having a hot flash as I sit here right now. It's only 34 degrees outside, the cold wind is blowing, the house's heat is set at 68 degrees, and there is sweat on my face! I despise sweat...hate it. And here it is, on my face.

Also, there is a bag of Rolos calling my name, loud and clear, from the other room! Sing with me now..."you can roll a Rolo to your friend". HA! Now that song is stuck in your head, too, isn't it?



I love Rolos and I want some, but I also want to weigh less and tonight, the slimmer, trimmer wannabe-me wins out. Yay for one small victory. But boy, is that bag ever loud!